Gets Away With It.

Be honest. You're in love with this.

See, most people can't pull this off. Cupcake costume? PINK cupcake costume? Most people can't even come CLOSE.

With the cute smile and the humble wringing of the hands and everything, AW YEAH I know EXACTLY what I'm doing. While you're oohing and aahing and cooing over my strawberry hat and rosy cheeks, I'll be smiling on the outside, sure. But on the inside?

Calculating. 

The exact right moment to strike. 

Gets animals to do her Bidding.

I command you, beast. Do my bidding.

Let it not worry you that I have not yet chosen what my bidding is to be. Just put on the cape, relax... and know that when it comes, my bidding will be fierce, my bidding will be swift, and my bidding will take no prisoners. 

The streets might very well run with the blood of my enemies.

The birthday cake hat is irrelevant. You would do my bidding were I wearing it or not. 

Feels nothing.

Take a good look at me here. Sure, I'm practically naked, as usual, and in the sprinkler. But look closer.

I'm spraying myself with a high-powered JET of water. For NO GOOD REASON.

And the kicker of it is, I don't even feel it. I'm otherwise occupied. With my thoughts. With my PLANS. I feel nothing.

For the record, here are some other things I don't feel:
- Pain
- Sorrow
- Regret
- Sympathy
- Guilt.

fuh reel

Can wear pretty much anything.

It's not Laundry Day. My clothes aren't missing. It's not even hot out. There's no reason that I should be practically naked, covered only in the diaper and dozens of pink post-it notes.

I DON'T NEED A REASON.

Wait, I do have a reason. It feels good, and I WANT TO.

So there. Just try to fit me into your conformist, zombie robot expectations of what 'clothes' are. I'll be over here, nice and comfortable in my post-it pants and post-it cardigan, with optional matching post-it gloves, and goddamned if I won't be FABULOUS.

Is a much bigger star than you.

Yeah, I'm in a webseries. Yeah, it's no big deal. It's one of the first webshows, or one of the best, so I'm told?, but... yeah, just doing my job.

Oh what? I'm only 2? And already have more screen time than most college theatre grads? Yeah, yeah, I know. Still. What's the big deal. Just relax.

Cuter than the rest of the cast? Well, yeah, COME ON, but no competition. This one's in the bag. Yep, even when wearing a dirty T-shirt and a fez from Ricky's Halloween Adventure. Yeah, I know, I know. I try not to rub it in.

Oh, that? That's a beer I'm drinking. Beer. You heard right. Why? That surprise you? Toddler drinking beer? Rocks your world, does it? Well... I'd love to live in your world, pops. Your world of toddlers-not-drinking-beer. Just north of panda-candy forest, near Lollipop Lane, along the puppy river.

Yeah, living there sounds fun. But I can't live there.

Because I'VE SEEN THINGS.

Is judging you constantly.

No, it's okay, Adult. You go on doing what you're doing. I'm in no rush.

Yes, I just danced hard enough that the Devil had a heart attack. Yes, I just freaking ROCKED THE HELL out of the sprinkler.

Yes, I can wait.

But don't think I don't see you, talking on your cell phone, chatting with some other waste-of-flesh on this playground (why, when you could be looking at me? The mind boggles). Don't think that even though I'm only 2, and still shit in my pants regularly, that I don't see EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE.

Don't think I can't SMELL YOUR FLAWS.

But I'll be silent, Adult. I'll just stand here in my Dora swim diaper, fiddling with my green sponge, waiting. Yes, I'll wait. I'll wait.

And while I wait... I'll PLAN.